The end of 2020 is almost here, and most of us are really looking forward to turning the page on our calendars! The human race has collectively had a rough go of it in 2020. Every year, most of us look back and take stock, maybe reassess, and then set our intentions for the coming year. For me, the new year usually represents all kinds of potential. I like to stand in the beginning of it and imagine all I can accomplish in the coming months. But this year, it feels more like a celebration of endings.
My different mindset this year got me thinking about endings, and the fact that sometimes we aren’t aware that we’ve just experienced something for the last time, or said goodbye to someone for the last time. This has happened often in my life, especially with regards to raising children. I don’t know the exact last time we read a bedtime story, only that one day, it wasn’t part of our bedtime routine anymore. I can’t recall the last time I pushed a little body on a swing, or buckled someone into a carseat. These things just ended, quietly and without fanfare.
My third son is a senior in high school. He was an multi-season athlete and sang in the high school choir. I’ll admit, sometimes I didn’t feel like attending one more concert or one more sports award ceremony, but without realizing it, I’d already attended the last one. The pandemic didn’t allow for all the ‘last things’ we’d planned on.
Last year, Ray and I were together with all our children for the holidays. This year, we won’t be. Hopefully, we’ll have them all together again in the near future, but most of the kids are adults now, with their own lives and schedules, so we really don’t know when it will be. Last Christmas, we had no idea that it might literally be years before we’d all be together again.
Many things during this strange timeline have only taken a hiatus, they aren’t over for good. I fully expect to attend a live concert, travel for book signings, visit family, and celebrate special occasions together with my children again. But living through this pandemic has made me pause and consider how I might approach an experience differently if I knew it was the last time.
Maybe there is a gift buried amidst the angst and loss we’ve collectively endured this year. Maybe we will savor the sweetness of simple things. Maybe we will love more unreservedly. Maybe, because we’ve deeply felt how fragile life can be, we will live more fully in each moment.
“What day is it?” asked Pooh.
“It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.
“My favorite day,” said Pooh.”
― A.A. Milne
Wishing you all happy holidays, and a new year filled with hope, joy, and love.
