Tabitha Lord

Monday Musings 7-1-19

I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don't have to.” - Albert Einstein

This is my birthday week. Like many people around my age, I have mixed feelings about birthdays. I’m thrilled to have another one, because, well, the alternative isn’t too pleasant to think about. But, I’m also struggling with some of the less-fun perks of aging - like aches and pains for no reason what-so-ever, a body that needs to eat half and exercise double to stay in any sort of shape, etc.

It’s certainly easy to focus on what’s been lost through the aging process - they do call it the bloom of YOUTH for a reason. But, if I shift my lens even a little, and choose to focus instead on the full, rich life I enjoy, then my overwhelming emotion becomes gratitude. Gratitude for my health - because relatively speaking, it’s good. Gratitude for my friends - because I am blessed to have deep, meaningful friendships. Gratitude for my family, my kids, and for the flexible, satisfying home and work life that my husband and I consciously created.

Every year, after Thanksgiving, my family watches It’s a Wonderful Life. Every year, when the credits roll, my husband sniffles and says, “It truly is a wonderful life.” And it is. So this year, I am going to embrace my birthday fully - with joy and gratitude, and probably without socks.

Monday Musings 6-17-19

One of my kids didn’t have the best school year this year. He injured himself during the first practice of his varsity football season, struggled through a couple of classes, and topped it off by getting into his first fender-bender during exam week. Sometimes, a year just needs to come to an end!

I released my third novel this year - the end of the series. I look back on the entire project with a sense of satisfaction and learning. That ending was worth celebrating.

At some point, life will bring us to our knees - whether physically or emotionally. We’ll survive those moments and be grateful when they come to an end. Some endings will be joyful. Others will be bittersweet. In any case, endings provide us with an opportunity for a clean slate. Whether we’ve learned something, accomplished something, or actually survived something, endings grant us the freedom to let go.

“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.” - Daphne Rose Kingma

Monday Musings 5-27-19

So today I want to talk about rejection. I haven’t gotten a rejection letter in a while, but that’s only because I haven’t submitted anything new in a while. Rejection is a part of the writer’s life. I bet every one of us has a file full of rejection letters - from agents, publishers, conference planners, etc. Or maybe the feeling of rejection comes from reviewers or poor sales numbers. Regardless, if we’re working anywhere in the arts, we’ve heard “no thank you” more than once. It’s a challenge. We’ve put our heart and soul into this creative baby of ours, and not everyone loves it like we do.

I tend to talk about sports a lot in my posts, baseball in particular. Team play teaches us many lessons, and one of the most important is how to lose graciously. Loss and rejection feel pretty similar. Sometimes, in hind site, we could have done something differently, better. But sometimes, we’ve done all we can and we don’t walk away with the win, or the signed contract, as the case may be.

Losing has taught my kids how to shake hands and congratulate the victor, respect the officials’ calls, appreciate an elevated level of play, take an honest look at where they need to work harder, and finally, let go and show up on the field again the next day. They’re good lessons, and ones I try to embrace every day.

Monday Musings 5-13-19

I’ve met with several new writers over the last couple of weeks. We’ve talked about the publishing industry, writing craft, building an author brand, and anything and everything else we could squeeze in over a few cups of coffee. One message I try to convey to these folks is that no matter where we are in our writing journey, we still have more to learn, and there will always be more to do! Hopefully, with every chapter we write, with every new book we release, we’ll improve our craft and learn better, more productive ways to navigate the publishing industry. I’m striving to be better at this whole endeavor tomorrow than I am today.

I’ve been working in this space for just about seven years now. In that time, I’ve published three books, sold several short stories, been hired as the managing editor for a writers blog, led workshops and panels at conferences and conventions, and taught writing craft live and through webinars. I look at my accomplishments and still think, “I don’t put out enough content every year. I need to do a better job with my marketing plan. I need to attend more conferences.” The list of things I still want to do is endless.

One thing I have that the new writers I’ve been mentoring don’t yet is the gift of perspective. I understand that I’m in this for the long game. It’s easy to become overwhelmed when we focus on all the things we haven’t done yet, and when we create an unreasonable “to-do” list in response. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge fan of “to-do” lists. In fact, sometimes I’ll write something on my list that I’ve already finished just so I can cross it off. Don’t judge!

But, rather than look at my list as tasks that I haven’t accomplished yet, I consider them steps in the direction I want to go. It’s a subtle shift in perspective, but it can move me from feeling completely overwhelmed to feeling productive. Maybe I didn’t hit a very high word count today, but I did finish the chapter I was working on. Maybe I didn’t design an entire marketing plan, but I did spend some time updating my social media accounts and answering reader emails. Every small thing I accomplish in a day is helping to build my future career.

I understand I can’t do everything all at once, so instead I’ve made a commitment to the journey.

Monday Musings 3-25-19

One of my sweet kitties died this weekend. I’v written about this guy before and posted many pictures of him on social media. He’s the one who always seemed to know when I needed a little extra love. One of his favorite spots was sprawled next to my computer on the kitchen table, sometimes even on top of the keyboard if he thought I needed a break.

The thing about pets is we know they’re going to break our hearts. Their short lifespan pretty much guarantees we’ll have to say goodbye to them before we’re ready. But the unconditional love they offer to us, and their quiet, unwavering presence in our lives makes the sadness worth it.

As hard as it was to watch my furry friend fade away over the last few weeks from kidney failure, I got to take good care of him and hold him when he passed. Hopefully, I gave him back some of the comfort he brought to me over the last couple of years.

RIP sweet Bede. You will be missed.

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Monday Musing 3-11-19

A friend of mine is writing a book. She’s had the idea for a long time. In fact, the story is the backdrop for an amazing product line of fairy-like beings she’s created and turned into a cool small business. She’s hesitated to do the writing for a long time, and we finally got down to the why of it over a couple of cocktails the other night.

What stops most of us from pursuing a dream - whether that dream is climbing a mountain, running a race, finishing a degree, or writing a book - is often fear. Sure, we can make up excuses. I don’t have time, I’m not in shape, I’m not really a writer. Those things may all be true, but for me anyway, the thing that froze me in my tracks before I put one word on a page, was absolutely fear. I didn’t start writing until I was forty years old because I was afraid I really wasn’t as talented as people thought, I wouldn’t be able to finish what I started, and my stories wouldn’t be any good. And the biggest fear of all was that by putting my writing into the world I’d be exposing some sensitive, private pieces of myself.

I think the only way to counter fear is by putting one foot in front of the other. When we do this for long enough, we can look back and track our movements. When we commit to doing something toward our dream every day, we will make progress. Our fear may tell us we aren’t good enough, we’ll never finish, or that others may judge us, but we can make a choice to do our thing anyway.

At the end of the day, what matters most may be our decision to admit we’re afraid and still take that first step forward.

Monday Musings 3-4-19

Last week I spent a couple of hours presenting the Horizon series to an interested third party. It was so much fun to talk about the story arc I’d created, my beloved characters and how they’d developed over time, and the major themes I was interested in exploring through my writing.

When I finished, he asked me whether I’d considered making different choices around particular plot points, or taking any of the action in a different direction. Essentially, he wanted to know how I decided which choices were the right ones for my story. From that conversation, I wrote a blog post titled Have You Lost the Plot? While the post focuses on writing craft, and how to make sure a manuscript doesn’t veer too far from the intended story, I realized I could have easily been talking about life.

Living intentionally is a bit like working on a manuscript. As we craft the narrative of our own lives, we have to have a vision for our story. We have to make choices that support this vision. And, we have to allow room for the unexpected plot twists that will inevitably take us by surprise.

When I feel like I’ve lost the plot, so to speak, it usually means I need to adjust my choices so they better support the story I want to tell.

Monday Musings 2-25-19

Equinox is finished! It’s a strange feeling indeed to have completed the last book in this series, a series I’ve been working on for over six years. I’ve lived in this made-up world, fallen in love with the characters, put them through some tough stuff, and now it’s time to say goodbye. It’s bittersweet, but it’s time.

As I get older, I’ve experienced moving on in many areas of my life. From changing jobs, to moving houses, to watching kids go off to college, letting go is part of the deal, and sometimes knowing when to let go is the trick.

My style, with writing, with the other work I’ve done over the years, with my home life, is to fully invest. I throw my whole self into the experience. I’m all in. I make mistakes, I learn, I grow. But because I’ve given it my full attention, when it’s time to move on, I usually feel ready. I may be nostalgic, but generally, I don’t have regrets.

When I typed “the end” on the last page, it was with a little bit of sadness but also a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. I’ve worked hard to improve my craft over these last six years. I’ve learned a ton about the publishing industry. I’ve been invited to teach what I’ve learned. Most importantly, with these books, I think I’ve told a good story.

Equinox will release on May 7th. I hope you enjoy!

Monday Musings 2-18-19

I’ve been working on Equinox edits for a couple of weeks now, and if I want to make my release deadline, I have to keep my nose down and finish. For the last three days, I haven’t moved much from my spot on the couch. There are printed documents strewn everywhere, laundry piled on the kitchen table, and I’m wearing the same pajamas I had on three days ago.

It’s funny, but I don’t really mind. I know this state of suspended reality isn’t going to last. Eventually, the rest of my life will need to be tended to and I’ll be more than ready to get back to it. For now, though, my full focus is on finishing this story and I’ve enjoyed giving it my full attention for the home stretch.

This feeling of being so connected to something you’ve made, and realizing you’re almost ready to share it with the world, is a strange and wonderful part of the creative process. It’s also a time when I know most writers and artists feel pretty vulnerable. We’ve poured ourselves into our work and we have no idea how that work will be received. When I finished writing my first novel, Horizon, I wrote an entire blog post on this subject: Handle with Care. Here’s a little snippet that captures the sentiment:

Any artist in any field understands that to share our work is to be vulnerable. We’ve risked opening our hearts to strangers - with words, in images, with a paintbrush, on a stage. We’ve put something of our private selves out into the world. Even my stories, full of spaceships and evil villains, myths and magic, have some of the real “me” in them. People who know me well will recognize those pieces. But it’s worth it to tell the story. And I’m learning to make peace with the discomfort.

As I finish this last round of edits for the last book in this series, I’m more confident in myself as a writer and in my craft. My skin is definitely thicker when it comes to criticism, but there’s still a moment of hesitation, a bit of discomfort and fragility. What I’ve learned, though, is it’s a pretty universal feeling among us artsy types. When I’m feeling it, I have a whole community of people who encourage me. When I have a chance to offer that encouragement back, I do. And I really am learning to make peace with the discomfort.

Monday Musings 2-4-19

On New Year's Eve this year I went to a dance party with my husband and some friends. I literally danced for hours. Ray, who would have much preferred to be on the stage with his guitar, humored me by filling my champagne glass and letting me shake and twirl all night long.

I got my first pair of ballet slippers when I was seven, scratched up the kitchen floor with my tap shoes at ten, and performed straight through college. Now, with the exception of weddings, I rarely dance at all. Turns out, I really miss it. Yesterday I joined a gym that offers Salsa and Zumba and all kinds of other 'dancey' classes. Today I gave one a try. So much FUN! Loud music, easy choreography, sweaty bodies. What could be better?

I'm not sure why it took me so long to realize I've missed this, or to remember how important it is to do something I love, simply because I love it. I think we all get caught up in our work, in our families, in running our households and businesses. We may even enjoy all these things most days. But, this isn't the same thing as doing something we enjoy for no practical reason whatsoever. Maybe it's time to give ourselves permission to do just that.

Monday Musings 1-28-19

Sometimes I feel stuck - and the feeling is the same whether I'm stuck around a plot tangle in my book or stuck in a slump with my fitness routine. I'm uninspired, sluggish, and maybe a little grumpy. You probably know the feeling?

Sometimes the winter contributes, with the short days, gray skies, and cold temperatures. If you've been reading these Monday Musings for a while, you can probably detect a pattern. I start whining about this stuff in the middle of winter or in the middle of editing. Right now, I've got both going on at the same time and I can barely tolerate myself!

Last week, I talked about working through the hard days, about keeping my nose down and doing the work. But when is a different approach appropriate? When is it okay to admit we're tired and we need a break. That we need to take a day off. That maybe binge watching Netflix on a Sunday instead of taking down the holiday decorations is the right choice? I guess I'd say the answer is - when we need to. There will always be another deadline, another load of laundry, another mile to run.

I'm in California visiting my sister this week. I always enjoy my time out here, mostly because I miss her and we get to spend hours of uninterrupted girl time, but also because I get a lot of work done when I'm here. Yesterday, we stayed in our pajamas all day, read, binged Netflix, and drank a few bottles of wine. It was a glorious day full of doing absolutely nothing productive, and it was exactly what we both needed to be ready for the week. 

In a culture that reveres busy, it has to be okay to step off the treadmill once in a while to recharge. It has to be okay to value balance. 

Monday Musings 1-14-19

I woke up cranky this morning. It was dark, my to-do list was long, and I felt a little under the weather. Part of this was my fault. I had a heck of a good time over the weekend, but, since I am no longer a spring chicken, apparently I don't recover from a 'good time' very quickly. You probably also know from past posts that winter is my least favorite time of year. I whine about everything from my chapped lips to the lack of daylight. So, altogether, I did not feel like leaping out of bed to face this Monday. 

I did, however, make it to a power yoga class. My yoga practice is one of the things that keeps me moderately well balanced throughout the winter. I make myself go even when I wake up feeling like the Grinch. At the end of today's class, while I suffered in frog pose, the instructor asked us this question: "Can you be present in the moment even when things are unpleasant?" I actually worried that my dark energy had contaminated the room and she was speaking directly to me. 

When I'm in a bad mood, or otherwise not feeling my best, I often wish the time away. I want to extract myself from the discomfort, or just get to the other side of a bad experience. But what I started to think about after my yogic kick-in-the-pants today is how quickly time passes. The older I get, the more acutely I feel it. I don't want to spend my energy wishing time away or focusing on my own internal darkness.

Turns out, after the cue this morning, it wasn't hard to make a mental shift. I can be present even when things are unpleasant because I don't want to miss out on this moment. I know I won't get it back.

Monday Musings 1-7-19

I only spent one semester as an English major before switching over to Classics, so when I started my official writing career, I didn't have a degree to support it, or any real experience. What I learned, though, is that the way you become a writer is by, well, writing.

First, you write crap. Then you rewrite it. Or maybe you put that project aside and start a new one. Somewhere along the way, you realize actual skill is required to do this job well. Like any form of art, talent alone doesn't cut it.

I found that workshops, conferences, critique partners, and good editors made all the difference. I could produce content while improving my craft. Now, on occasion, I get to lead those workshops, guest lecture, and, in different ways, teach new writers some of what I've learned along the way.

Saturday, January 12th at 10:00 am, I'll be at the Pascoag Public Library hosting a workshop on World-Building. For science fiction and fantasy writers, crafting believable worlds in unbelievable settings is part of the job. But, as I've learned, we can't just dump detail after detail into our story or we'll bore our readers to distraction. Seamlessly weaving in background, history, and setting, creating rules for magic and advanced technology, and bringing authenticity to our imaginary worlds requires skill. And, there are actual lessons to be learned on how to do this.

So, if you're an aspiring writer and in the area, check it out. Here's a FB link with more info: Author Series: World Building with Tabitha Lord. Maybe I'll see you there!